Apathy

Apathy: lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

I'm not a scientist of the brain, but sometimes I think it would be an interesting field. To those of the population who understand the neurotransmitters in our brain and how chemical reactions in our brain effect our emotions maybe my current state would make more sense. Realistically my current situation probably should make more sense even to a non brain scientist as myself.

I don't consider myself to be a traditionally apathetic person, but I don't know how many people do. What concerns me is what if the apathy sneaks up on you?

I'm a passionate person. Lately though, I've become less - mostly just when it comes to work. And I struggle with that, because what if it's the day by day minutiae that wears passionate people down until they're 55, have been working the same job their whole life and lack anything that keeps their fire lit.

Can you become the person you would hate to become via the small compromises you make with yourself for the "greater good?" Arguably the answer has to be yes. I just don't know if in this instance detection (knowing that this can / is occurring) naturally facilitates future prevention.

Sincerely,
The girl who doesn't want to live vicariously through her children in the future because she let all her opportunities fly by for financial security and a title.

To every thing there is a season

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. 

This is my new blog. I was going to write Grey's Anatomy Ellis Grey-esque journals, but I rarely complete journals so I went with the cheaper option. I've had blogs in the past and enjoyed it and thus, I start again. 

I've been home in New York for about a full week now. I've missed this place. Many things have changed, however, my perspective towards the things that have changed is no longer one of bittersweet acceptance. in other words, the changes don't cause negative feelings to erupt to the forefront of my brain anymore. Initially I was lonely and discouraged with the changes that have occurred, but I think things have settled in my life and the lives of the people around me and the changes have culminated for good. 

I've realized too that home when you're a kid is a vastly different concept than home as an adult. Your physical house is a vessel for experiences to occur, but home is a feeling. I'm not entirely sure that makes sense, but it sounds eloquent and I like it. The point I'm trying to convey is that home for me is no longer one physical location, but rather the people, pets, experiences, places that have made me feel a certain way, a certain connection that draws me back to them. Maybe that feeling is love. I'm not really adult enough to understand quite yet and... that's okay. 

This week has helped me try to identify who I am a little bit more. I've been in relationships for so long (and I don't mean purely romantic) that I don't see how I let people pull on my personality at times. I'm very willing to give and give and give of myself and I don't always realize the strain that puts on my well being. In other words I need counter balance in more than just my work-life. 

Speaking of work life I should get to bed so that I'm ready for my first day back to work tomorrow. Hopefully it's a quiet day so I can get lots of residual work done! I'm already looking forward to my next set of days off. Goodnight internet <3